Opinion Column

DATING AND RELATING

No second-guessing with right woman 0

By Amy Chan

Cyrus Li says if a relationship leaves you exhausted and doesn’t feel right, then move on to enable the right partner to come along. (PHOTO SUBMITTED)

Cyrus Li says if a relationship leaves you exhausted and doesn’t feel right, then move on to enable the right partner to come along. (PHOTO SUBMITTED)

What do happy couples know? It seems a lot, as we ask local people to share their wisdom and lessons learned on life, love and secrets to a healthy relationship.

Name: Cyrus Li

Occupation: Sales agency managing partner

Relationship status: Engaged to Nadia Mah

You dated a lot before Nadia. What made you commit?

It felt different with her. It felt right this time. I didn’t have to justify to myself why I wanted to commit to her. Everything just fell into place. Previous to her when I dated I always second-guessed myself if I should settle down with the person because they had certain attributes, even if I wasn’t fully into it. When it feels right it’s not a checklist of good and bad that makes you commit. When you’re single, it’s easy to get trapped in a cycle where it becomes comfortable to move on from one person to the next; you can become trapped by feeling like you’ll always find someone better, along with the rush that comes from meeting new people. I often questioned myself if I was being too selective, but each time I listened to my gut and moved along. There was a point early on in my relationship with Nadia, where I almost succumbed to my old dating habits by me checking out after the first few months. How she responded to me during that time ultimately kept us together. She called me out for being scared, kept it together and remained confident in herself. Soon after that everything fell into place naturally. It was amazing and I thank her every day for holding it down during my moment of weakness.

What makes your relationship work?

Reciprocation. It’s about an overall balance of giving and taking and being proactive to make sure that balance is never tipped too long to one side. Maintain the balance by being intuitive to your partner’s needs and always staying one step ahead. See it as adding gold to the stockpile before it’s depleted. You should always make sure there is some in reserve.

What do you love about her the most?

She’s the most supportive person in the world. She keeps adding gold to the stockpile all the time. I don’t want to take that for granted so it inspires me to be the best partner I can be.

Last words of wisdom?

Relationships take a lot of effort, but you shouldn’t feel exhausted and depleted just to make it work. If it is that hard, it’s likely a sign that the person isn’t the right fit for you. Do the brave thing and move on. That’s the hardest thing to do, but if you can recognize when it’s just not working, you can buy yourself a couple of years.

 

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