Life

DATING AND RELATING

What rejection is really telling you 0

By Amy Chan

Don't fret is someone rejects you. (FILE PHOTO)

Don't fret is someone rejects you. (FILE PHOTO)

Rejection was something I faced recently. Yep, that dreadful feeling of liking someone, only to learn after a period of time that they no longer feel the same way about you.

If this were five years ago, I would have taken it personally. If I liked someone and he didn’t like me back, I would store that as a message that something was wrong with me, that I wasn’t good enough, hard-to-get enough, or <insert here> enough. But with a healthy self-esteem and confidence of my value and worth, I now know that just because someone doesn’t like me back doesn’t mean I’m any less lovable. It means that person wasn’t my right fit. And that’s OK.

Beginnings are fragile. And when it doesn’t work out the way you imagined, your mind may wander and question: “What’s wrong with me?” You self-diagnose that there must be something you messed up in the dating dance. Perhaps you said the wrong thing, appeared too eager, moved too fast, moved too slow — the list goes on. You think: if only this happened or didn’t happen, then perhaps he’d still like me.

But here’s the thing. You could have said all the right things. You could have had impeccable timing and the best hair day in history – but none of that matters. At the end of the day, people connect (or don’t connect) based on an energy exchange.

When someone has genuine interest in you, the little, trivial things don’t matter. Glaring red flags, incompatibility, and toxic baggage – that’s another story. Those are definitely issues that surface and can make an emotionally healthy person re-evaluate your romantic potential. But the little things – not so much.

I think all you can really do is approach each person with openness and authenticity — despite the many times you’ve been hurt in the past. If that person doesn’t like you back, or enough, then it’s out of your hands. Know you tried your best, don’t doubt your own awesomeness, and be grateful to have closed that door to allow space for another door to open.

My mother once told me, “If it’s not him it will be someone else. If it’s not now it will be another time. These things are predetermined.” I believe her.

I am a dreamer. I am a storyteller. I believe in magic. I believe that it’s possible to create a love so beautiful it can change the world. I’m not ever going to stop believing that, and I have faith that one day, it will all connect.

To my fellow dreamers, don’t ever lose your hope.

If you have a relationship problem, ask Amy at Amy@justmytype.ca

 

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