Life

DATING AND RELATING

Take people off that pedestal 0

By Amy Chan

 (FOTOLIA)

(FOTOLIA)

Since I was a little girl, I have faced a lot of rejection. I created a story subconsciously that love equaled abandonment. As a result, I carefully crafted survival mechanisms to reject people before they had a chance to do it to me.

Rejection petrified me. And, to avoid feeling disappointed, I’ve stayed in a single, unattached bliss for a while.

However, recently I experienced rejection and was caught totally off-guard. I sulked at the uncomfortable feelings that came up and I felt a bit like a “loser.”

I was confused. I was sad. I cried out to the universe, “I finally open my heart to possibly connecting with someone and this is what I get? How unfair!”

But as I processed the feelings, I realized, “Hey, I got rejected, and I didn’t die!” In fact, within a day, I was smiling and back to my usual jolly, positive self. I was able to get back to equilibrium, instead of allowing the negative feelings of rejection plague me. But the aftermath of getting rejected can still be hard on the ego and it takes time to dust off. Here are some things I’ve learned about the process:

Stop thinking something is wrong with you.

Just because someone does not reciprocate your affections doesn’t mean you are any less lovable. Don’t let someone who didn’t recognize your awesomeness deter you from loving fully and generously. They don’t deserve that power over you.

Take the person off the pedestal.

When you like someone, it’s tempting to create fantasies of who this person is and how your life would be with him/her. When you put someone on a pedestal, you dehumanize the person. Your mind selectively sees only the good, dismissing any red flags. When you’re getting over someone, instead of letting your mind obsess over the “pros” of the person, write down a list of all the “cons.” This can help you get a more realistic vision of the person.

Don’t give up hope.

If you’ve been disappointed in a relationship or have felt rejected, I promise you, one day, it will all make sense why it didn’t work out with that individual. Chalk it up to experience and an opportunity for self-growth, and you will evolve. But if you become jaded, you ultimately get in your own way of joy and happiness.

I believe that the people who touch our hearts come into our lives for a reason. Whether that reason is to create a memory, or teach us a lesson — there is a purpose.

Sometimes you just have to experience the bad to finally see the good that’s in front of you. It may take a little time, it may take a lot of patience, but eventually, it will connect.

 

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