GOVANI: Scaramucci hits Colbert tonight!
Anthony "The Mooch" Scaramucci is sure to send social media ablaze when he appears on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert Monday. GETTY
SHINAN GOVANI/ 24 HOURS
Meaning: a time measurement typically referring to a 10-day span.
Among the many offshoots of the Trump era? An unavoidable contribution to the common vernacular: words like "yuge" and "collusion" hanging in the atmosphere, along with expressions as broad-ranging as "fake news" and "fire and fury." A favourite, however, of Jane Solomon, the lexicographer at Dictionary.com, as she recently described: a fresh-from-the-oven word spun from a proper name (in the manner of so many words ... see: cardigan, sandwich or even sadism!) and, in this case, referring to the short-lived, nowyou-see-him-now-you-don't communications director at the White House.
Gone, but not forgotten? It would seem to be the case with "The Mooch" (as the brash, knee-capping New Yorker has been known to say when referring to himself), all set to make his late-night debut Monday on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.
To the Ed Sullivan Theatre, driver! For a night, one presumes, of mea culpas and whoop-de-doo.
A sneak peek of the appearance from the man himself, the other day, revealed this: he is bringing Colbert a "professionally monogrammed front stabbing knife" from The Hunt and Fish Club (a restaurant that the hedge fund manage co-owns). "It's also suitable for cutting steak," he tweeted.
Scaramucci's fall last month was so Scara-catastrophic and so mucci-swift that his axing was the thing memes are made of: 10 days, as many surmised, is actually 62 days shorter than Kim Kardashian's unhappily ever after union to Kris Humphries, some 225 days shorter than the time the O.J. Simpson jury was sequestered during his first trial, and, well, about four weeks less the time your eggs are good when stored in the fridge.
Was it only last month, though? So drama-packed is the current American administration, with its reality show-like subplots, daily chute outrages, and conga line of side characters, that it actually seems so much longer.
A quick recap, then: six months into the current presidential administration, Scaramucci - who once cameo'ed in the Oliver Stone movie Money Never Sleeps - "exploded like a character in the second series of a TV drama designed to unsettle the cast and spice up storylines," as Maureen Down put in The New York Times. As Dowd went on, the dude is "a self-promoter extraordinaire and master salesman who doesn't mind pushing a bad product - and probably sees it as more fun."
Among the highlights of his 10 days in the job:
- The resignation of Sean Spicer, the long-suffering White House press secretary (stepping down just hours after "The Mooch" came on board).
- A snakes-and-ladders game that also eventually led to the fall of Trump's now former chief of staff Reince Priebus.
- A series of long, rambling on-air interviews where he colourfully spat out things like "the fish stinks from the head."
- A valiant effort made to make tinted aviators so hot again - as evidenced by his much strutting around with mirrored shades paired with bespoke suits and hairsprayed mane.
- A revelation, courtesy of the New York Post's Page Six, that his wife had given birth to a baby boy while he was at an event with Trump, and that, even prior to that, she'd made overtures to divorce him (while nine months pregnant!). Scaramucci was said to have texted her after the arrival of their child, with the words, "Congratulations, I'll pray for our child" - a text just a little more effusive than a simple 'K,' methinks.
- A wild wee-hours-of-the-night phone call to a reporter from The New Yorker - which would eventually directly lead to his firing - and had him musing about calling the FBI to investigate the chief of staff at the White House, a plan he had to fire the entire communications staff and even some R-rated comments involving autofellatio when it came to Trump's chief strategist, Stephen Bannon.
So, then: how much time does Colbert have, anyway? The wry talk-show host, who's emerged as something of a leading pins-sticker in the hot air balloon of Trumpianism of late, has much to comb through, no doubt.
Here are some suggestions from moi for his sit-down:
- Begin the interview by taking a lead from Jay Leno, who created one of the all-time late-night moments on The Tonight Show in the 1990s, when he had Hugh Grant on, following the Brit's arrest on Sunset Boulevard for being found in a comprising moment with Divine Brown. Leno started that interview with these six immortal words: "What the hell were you thinking?"
- What, pray tell, are Scaramucci's feelings on the romcom How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days? (This after, Kate Hudson - putting in her best performance in years - nailed the Instagram game when she recently posted a photo of The Mooch and the president, with a reworked poster of her 2003 movie!)
- As one of the most famous Italian-Americans on the planet right now, where does he stand on pasta: pappardelle or orecchiette? Since the same guy who now professes to love Trump used to call the president "anti-American" and a "hack" (only two years ago on Fox News!), it might not be a bad thing to ask: "What changed?"
- If, furthermore, he really does think that the writer from The New Yorker who "outed" him about his latenight rant is the "Linda Tripp of 2017," i.e. the woman who exposed the Lewinsky liaison years ago (as Scaramucci bizarrely tweeted the other day), does that make him ... Monica?
- Considering that there is another reality show on TV (other than So You Think You Can Be Prez) that regularly plucks newly minted "stars," it behooves Colbert to ask him: how's your foxtrot?
- Finally, what did he think of Bill Hader as The Mooch on last week's Weekend Update: Summer Edition?