Wherever I go, people always ask me “What makes you think you’re so funny?”
Oh, no, wait, I think it’s phrased more like, “Where do you get your sense of humour from?”
Short answer, my Dad.
He was a Glaswegian who loved to tell jokes, good or otherwise.
So I thought I would pass on a few of his favourites to you today.
#1 (Please read this with a Scottish accent) A Scot, recently landed in Canada, walks into a bar that has a stuffed moose head hanging over the door.
He says to the bartender, “What’s that?”
Bartender says, “That’s a Canadian moose.”
Scotsman says, “Well, if that’s yer moose, I’d hate tae see yer rats!!”
#2 A Scottish fella working on a building site, goes to a port-a-potty and accidentally drops his jacket down the hole.
So, he thinks for a moment, and then jumps in the hole to retrieve it.
When his co-workers find out what he did, they say, “Man, you must really like that jacket!”
And he says, “I don’t care about the jacket, my lunch was in the pocket!”
#3 A golfer is getting ready to tee off, when a funeral procession passes on the road nearby.
The golfer stops, takes off his hat and bows his head until it has passed. As he’s teeing up again, his friend says “Wow, that is such a nice gesture of respect.”
And he replies, “Well, she was a good wife.”
#4 A drunk goes into a bar. The bartender tosses him out because he’s too drunk.
The drunk walks back into the bar. Again, the bartender throws him out for being too drunk.
Again the drunk walks into the bar. The bartender is just about to throw him out when the drunk looks at him and says, “How many bars do you own, anyway?”
#5 A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit….
Man: “Hi! Am I ever happy to see YOU!”
Girl: “Hi! It seems like you’ve been here forever. How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”
Man: “Ten years!” With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette.
Man: “Thank you so much!”
Girl: “So, how long has it been since you had a drink?”
Man: “Ten YEARS!”
The girl unzips another zipper on her wet suit and pulls out a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink.
Man: “Thank you. You are like a miracle!”
Girl: [Starting to unzip the front of her wet suit.] “Sooo… how long has it been since you played around?”
Man: “Oh, my God, don’t tell me you’ve got a set of golf clubs in there too?!”
Thanks Dad.
For more fun with Linda, check her out at doubleexposureradio.com
