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 Before you get swept off your feet by that charming new guy, listen up to the nonverbal body language. |
Suave and sophisticated or dangerous suitor?
Before you get swept off your feet by that charming new guy, listen up to the nonverbal body language.
Blinded by love may leave you blinded to nonverbal warning signs that could end up costing you physically and emotionally, and financially, says anthropologist Dr. David Givens.
Love can easily turn to violence, says Givens. "Males are very dangerous creatures and in relationships, they have the potential to do you great harm.
"Do not allow yourself to get physically close before taking time to make a full assessment," stresses Givens, author of Crime Signals: How to Spot a Criminal Before You Become a Victim (St. Martin's).
Every criminal gives off silent cues before a lie is spoken, a house is robbed, or an assault is inflicted; Givens' book provides real-life stories of crime and survival and offers insight into reading criminal personalities to protect yourself and those around you from a wide range of offenses, including con men, thieves, gangs, terrorists, swindlers, pick pockets and predatory boyfriends.
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According to Givens, budding relationships are rife with small, silent cues that indicate something wicked comes this way, but in the throes of budding love, clear and present danger is often dismissed or excused and forgiven.
He advises monitoring how your date treats the waiter or reacts to small inconveniences. "These red flags are good indicators of what will happen when the glow wears off."
Unable to manage anger is a big danger sign. If in anger he pinches, punches, pulls hair or shoves, "there's usually a pattern of escalation," he says. "There's a tendency to get more controlling, more abusive which leads to injury or death."
He adds: "Women will often go to the courts if the abuse continues to get a restraining order -- but it's like signing your own death warrant because he over-reacts to the order and becomes insanely furious and blames her and harms her."
Beware boyfriends who are overly charming, overly macho and behave too politely at first with their girlfriends' parents. Look out for intense possessiveness and grandiose displays of affection and gift-giving: "When he showers her with gifts at the beginning, it's a danger sign. If she tries to pull away, he'll usually ramp it up." He's found that many of these instances result in stalking, endless phone calls, unannounced visits and peaking through windows. "This is very scary and often ends with physical violence."
And those who give in to persistence are in for a troubled, extremely controlling relationship. "Some of the high school relationships can be the most controlling and abusive out there," adds Givens.
Danger wanes with age: "The real danger period for young men is between 16-35; they all have potential of doing physical harm.
"Women must look out for the signs of clear and present danger," adds Givens. "Read them or weep."
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SILENT SIGNALS OF A SWINDLER:
- Strangers who touch, smile and overfriendly too soon
- Overdramatic and flamboyant
- Theatrical hand gestures
- Showy clothing, pretentious props
- Unusually cool demeanour
- Repetitious rituals
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THE LOOK OF A LIE
- Few hand gestures
- Glaring, anger
- Angling body away
- Throat clearings
- Compressed, in-roll lips
- Reddening of face, ears and neck
- Hemming and hawing
- Lack of emotion
- Moisture on upper lip
- Touches face while talking
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SIGNS OF A POTENTIAL KILLER:
- History of violence or spousal abuse
- Weapons fancy
- Episodic bursts of rage
- Stalking
- Grandiosity and dishonesty
- Manipulative personality
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HEED THE SILENT CUES:
"Liars tend to make fewer hand gestures -- or none at all -- while they're lying. And if he touches his face while he's talking, you can be twice as sure of the deception."