During a time when your heart has been hurt, the pain can grow very dark.

Often, your deepest insecurities and fears from every bad experience of your past decide to reappear in your life. Emotions take over. You helplessly watch yourself transform into a person you never thought you’d be.

When we are in pain, a common reaction is to inflict pain on others – especially to the one you thought you would live happily ever after with. This only deepens your own pain and adds to a vicious energy cycle. Nobody wins. Everyone hurts.

In moments of clarity, I realize that I may not be able to control the sadness, the missing, or the wave of tears flooding down my face. But I can control my behavior. I can control my integrity. I have that power. I can choose fear or I can choose love.

You would think one would get better at breakups after going through a few. In all honesty, it doesn’t get easier. But you do get wiser, and you do get stronger. And when the darkness and pain subside you inevitably realize that the person was brought in to your life to teach you a lesson. Then it’s your choice to grow from that or repeat the same relationship and issues with another – continuing your karma.

And isn’t that just the lesson of life? The universe throws curveballs at you – when you least expect it. And you make a choice. On the surface, you may feel like you lack control, but really, the picture is yours to paint. You have the power to choose each time – to get back up, to grow – or to accumulate hate and anger.

So my biggest lesson of heartbreak: choose integrity.

Cry until you have no tears left inside you, talk to people you feel safe with; try to remember the good, even when the bad keeps trying to take centre stage.

Have faith that when one door closes it’s because another is meant to open. Let the emotions pour out of you – feel them, embrace them, set them free.

But no matter what you do, don’t forget your integrity. Even in the darkest moments, integrity is the one thing that is yours that you own. And no one can ever take that away from you.