Apparently my computer and I don’t share the same love of reality TV.
An hour after I wrote this column the other day, the PC’s evil hard-drive sucked it up and tossed it into some techno black hole — where it will never be found again.
Luckily, I managed to recreate it, in very little time, just for you. You’re welcome!
Sunday
The Amazing Race 15
If any Racers have ever had a chance at pulling through after a Speed Bump, it was Matt and Gary. The father-son team spent five minutes in an Estonian sauna for a challenge — if you can call it that — and could have easily pushed ahead of Brian and Ericka. But no. Though not even Flight Time and Big Easy — whose mean streak was showing after that tiff with Dan and Sam — stand a chance against Meghan and Cheyne, who not only came in first (again), but looked the coolest playing mud volleyball in their undies.
Battle of the Blades
Maybe I’m asking too much, but would it have killed Craig Simpson, Claude Lemieux and/or Stephane Richer to attempt one of those fancy lutz jumps in their final routines? Regardless, the judges (including celeb guest Doug Gilmour) were impressed enough to give all three perfect 6.0s across the board. And heck, by that point, these handsome hockey players (judge Dick Button even called Lemieux “a satin-shirted lady killer”) could glide through the competition on their looks alone.
Monday
Battle of the Blades (finale)
Who needs to drink champagne from a cup when you can parade around a delicate trophy? Not Craig Simpson, who was all smiles when he and partner Jamie Sale beat out Stephane Richer and Claude Lemieux. Hey, wait, didn’t I call Simpson’s win when he performed that Austin Powers number two weeks ago? It’s good to know all this couch time is paying off.
Dancing With the Stars
I don’t know what competition Mya is dancing in, but it’s not the same one as Donny Osmond, Kelly Osbourne and Joanna Krupa. Mya’s moves are in a whole ’nother league — which is either unfair to the others, or it’s just sad that no one else can score perfect 30s one week before the finale. Mr. Osmond: That 21-point tango was inexcusable. Osbourne’s 24-point rumba needed some serious sex-ing up. And while Krupa’s got good legs, her straight 27s were just OK, and her faux-charm and air kisses just don’t sit well with me.
Tuesday
Dancing With the Stars
I guess faux-charm and air kisses don’t sit well with America, either. Joanna Krupa was dismissed, leaving behind dancing queen Mya along with Donny Osmond and Kelly Osbourne — who are so gosh darn cute, they just might have a shot at that hideous disco ball trophy next week.
So You Think You Can Dance
Wa tha fa was up with that birdcage routine? Talk about crossing the fine line between bizarrely creative and huh? Channing and Victor managed to make the best of it. But it was no prize compared to Kathryn and shirtless Legacy’s paso doble or Karen and Jakob’s hip-hop — despite the latter being set to that irritating Whatcha Say song that refused to die after Marissa shot Trey on The O.C., like, eons ago.
The Biggest Loser
With this week’s TBL only being 90 minutes instead of the usual 120, I feel as deprived as a first-week contestant without Twinkies. They still packed a lot in — Tim Gunn makeovers, family visits, motivational speeches, a challenge involving pulleys and a 200-foot drop and big losses for Rudy (16) and Dan (12). Rebecca’s three pounds got her sent home, thanks to a vote from Rudy — who says she turned her back on her Blue teammates to help out Black. I thought he was lying, until Rebecca later told Jay Leno she was dating Daniel — a former Blue teamer! Gasp.
Wednesday
So You Think You Can Dance
Am I the only one who’d rather skip SYTYCD’s results shows and just go online to find out who got cut (contemporary dancer Channing and hip-hopper Kevin, BTW)? Enough with the obscure pop performers (Orianthi?) and endless potty breaks! If I wanted filler, I’d watch Dancing With the Stars’ results episode.
America’s Next Top Model (finale)
With her doe-in-the-headlights awkwardness, monotone voice and a nickname like Bloody Eyeball, I knew from the start of the competition there was no way Nicole would ... lose. Yes, The Tyra loves herself an oddball — and models don’t come much more oddballish than this redheaded nerd. Even if she did act snobbish for the CoverGirl ad and walk like an angry toddler in the final runway show. Speaking of which — what were previous eliminees Erin, Jennifer and Sundai doing on the catwalk? I thought their services were no longer needed.
Thursday
Survivor: Samoa
Ding dong, the queen bee’s gone! Foa Foa won again with the knockout of evil Galu leader Laura — who earned one more vote than Natalie after two sets of ballots were cast at a dramatic tribal council. Earlier at camp, Russell proved he’s got a horseshoe somewhere by finding his THIRD Immunity Idol. Seriously.
