QUOTE OF THE WEEK: “I’m not a whore. I’m not a tramp. I’m not an escort. I’m not stupid or a bimbo. I’m very strong. I will survive this. At the same time, I’m vulnerable. I’m not here to make myself into a victim, but I want people to remember I’m human — there’s a whole other side to me. I’m caring and generous and the type of person you’d want to be friends with. People have to give me a chance.”
A chance to shut up, maybe. Tiger Woods’ alleged mistress Rachel Uchitel, who is not a whore, a tramp, an escort or a stupid bimbo (she’s just drawn that way?) displays her sterling character for Us magazine.
BLATHER: 1) ”KTLA morning news and yours truly were here long before Perez Hilton upchucked his way onto the scene, and we’ll be here long after he slithers away.”
Sam Rubin, KTLA anchor, joins a long list of people keen never to see Perez Hilton again. Ever. Anywhere.
2) “Let’s move on. Let’s not f--- this up by thinking about it too much.”
Clint Eastwood’s favourite directorial advice, according to Matt Damon, during the filming of Invictus. Not thinking is how Eastwood made 10 movies in 10 years, according to dailybeast.com.
3) “Not only is my performance raw in this film, but through most of the film I am naked from the waist down. So not only am I raw, I’m chafed.”
George Clooney offers even more reasons to see his new movie, Up In The Air.
4) ”I think back now and say to myself, ‘Hailey, you should have been smarter.’ ”
Hailey Glassman offers the understatement of the decade on her relationship with Jon Gosselin and the discovery that he’s not actually a life form.
5) “I’m very f-----g grateful to be alive. I have so many friends who are sick or gone, and I’m here. Are you kidding? No complaints!”
Meryl Streep talks about getting older. This is why people love Meryl Streep.
DRIVEL: 1) “I usually go to sleep at 8:15! Let’s have fun! I’m wearing tight pants and my kids are asleep!”
Julia Roberts dons a lampshade at a recent session of Celebrity Charades.
2) ”I know it sounds cheesy, but I’ve never in my life met someone who I love this much. Lamar’s devotion makes me want to cry because the only other person who gave that to me was my dad.”
Khloe Kardashian gets all Freudy weirdy creepy about her new husband, Lamar Odom.
3) “I’ve always been good at multi-tasking. I’ve always been doing more than other people, even in the past. No matter if it was mowing the lawn, singing in the choir or selling drugs. I’ve always been able to do four or five things at a time.”
Snoop Dogg explains, ah, whatever.
4) “I found this metaphor, and I thought it made a lot of sense. A coffee machine in an office has everybody’s fingerprints on it. Sometimes I feel like that.”
Shakira tells the Daily Telegraph that she’s easily confused.
CELEBRITY RELATIONSHIPS: 1) Hulk Hogan is going to marry his girlfriend, Jennifer McDaniel.
2) Jude Law and Sienna Miller are alleged to have renewed their romantic relationship. Wow. Alert the media.
3) Jessica Simpson is said to be dating Smashing Pumpkins’ own Billy Corgan.
CELEBRITY MOTHERHOOD: “He knows every song, every word, every step, and he wants to wear all the costumes. He likes my dress that I wear in La Isla Bonita.”
Madonna tells a British talk show how her son David Banda, age four, loves her work and already understands that it’s all about her.
CELEBRITY COLLABORATION: 50 Cent wants to record something with Susan Boyle.
Says Fitty, “She’s got an amazing voice, and together we’d get everyone dancing. I’m always looking to do something new and she’s cool, so I’ll ask somebody to let her know.”
