Well ain’t Natalie White just feelin’ like the Southern belle of the ball right about now.
The 26-year-old Van Buren, Ark., native earned enough jury votes to win Survivor: Samoa on Sunday night — defeating the very man whose coattails she had been riding all season.
That man would be wealthy Texas puppet-master Russell Hantz — a scheming, sleazy, misogynistic player who Survivor host Jeff Probst proclaimed “one of the most hated and simultaneously loved Survivors of all time.”
And yet, not a winner.
Russell wound up with two votes to Natalie’s five — more than enough for her to win the desert island reality show’s $1 million prize.
Originally part of Russell’s horrendously titled Dumb Ass Girl Alliance, Natalie flew under the radar week after week — her biggest triumph was when she whacked a rat with a stick and presented it for lunch.
As impressive as that was, it wasn’t enough for her to win the game. Oh, wait, apparently, it was.
Here’s a look at how the Polynesian-set 19th season of CBS’ reality TV dinosaur went down Sunday night:
:09: We’re only nine minutes into the finale, but last woman standing Natalie looks to be in trouble. The men — Russell, Mick Trimming, Brett Clouser and Jaison Robinson — are plotting against her, and her chances of winning an immunity challenge are slimmer than her torso.
:17: Then again, no one seems to have a shot at winning anything with Brett still around. The season’s last remaining Galu tribe member just won his third consecutive immunity challenge. He must be stopped!
:26: Tribal Council time — and Shambo is making her first jury appearance. Her mullet is more defined than ever. You didn’t think she would have chopped it all off, did you?
:32: 14th person voted out and the eighth member of our jury: Jaison. Turns out Natalie might not be the remaining Foa Foa members’ weakest link. I’m still baffled that fellow under-the-radar flier Jaison even made it as far as he did.
:39: Ah, Russell. By sealing a deal with Mick, the suave Texan just secured his spot in the final three. Well, not officially. But still.
:40: Here comes the inevitable recap portion of the evening, where the final four “revisit” their fallen castaways. What a perfect time for an extended potty break! Heck, I’ve probably got time to pop my own corn ... from scratch.
:54: And now back to the game (with a half-popped bowl of popcorn). The second immunity challenge is so Big Brother (Balancing statues on a pole? How inventive!), and it all comes down to Russell and Brett. “This is a showdown,” declares Probst, after the men extend their poles to seven feet. The wind picks up, and someone is going to lose. That someone will be ... Brett! Russell won his first immunity idol in the last challenge. Impeccable timing. And I’m thinking the end of Galu is nigh.
1:11: Or not. Tribal Council is quickly approaching and Rus doesn’t know who he’s going to vote for — namely because he’s made deals with them all. I say pick Mick and let him and Brett go at it in the tie-breaking fire challenge.
1:21: Or not. Russell went against his word with Brett and had him ousted — a wise choice if he wants to have any chance of winning enough jury votes. Though his chances are still way up in the air.
1:27: The final three feast always makes me hungry, for some reason. Food always tastes better outdoors. You know what also tastes better out in the middle of the jungle? Manipulation. And Russell is working his magic again on Natalie and Mick, who are going to have to learn the art of smooth-talking before they face the jury.
1:43: Jaison is first up to confront the final three and is more concerned with what their occupations are (Mick = doctor, Natalie = pharmaceutical rep, Russell = oil company owner) than anything. His point is that none of them are in desperate need of a seven-figure cheque — so their earnings shouldn’t be a factor in the voting — and it’s a damn good point.
1:45: Shambo just called Mick “feckless.” For those who don’t know what that means — including Mick — it’s another word for useless and good-for-nothing. Try to use it in a sentence sometime, kids.
1:53: Forget “feckless;” Erik totally gets the prize for best word usage in the confrontations with “delusional entitlement.” The phrase — also aimed at Mick — was just a tidbit of his powerful Vote for Natalie speech. Did it work? We’ll see after the votes are cast, and Probst carries them ...
2:02: ... Across the stage of an L.A. studio, where the votes will be read live. They go like this: Natalie, Russell, Natalie, Russell, Natalie, Natalie ... Natalie?! Whether it was Erik’s speech or the jury’s general distaste for wealthy slimeballs and hunky doctors (or neither), the sweet Southern gal with the season’s most prominently protruding bones came out on top. And hey, at least she finally got out from under those coattails.
lindsey.ward@sunmedia.ca
