Kiss those weeks of amusing auditions goodbye, and give Ellen DeGeneres a great big ol’ welcome hug. American Idol’s Hollywood Round has arrived.
Yes, that awkward period when the Fox judges have to ditch many of the invited hopefuls they picked up on their road trip across the U.S. begins Tuesday night. That’s also when new judge DeGeneres makes her big debut.
The queen of daytime talk shows — or soon-to-be, thanks to Oprah leaving the air — will make a fine pair with the king of reality talent shows, as long as she’s her usual hilarious self and disagrees with everything Simon Cowell says.
Heck, even if she breaks into a little dance when it’s her turn to critique, she’ll be more on the ball than her predecessor Paula Abdul ever was.
Come to think of it, everyone who has sat in Paula’s old spot so far this season has brought something unique to the panel — be it cleavage, a high-pitched voice or a ridiculous sweatshirt.
Before we move forward to the next stage of the competition, let us pay homage to the group of celebs who generously donated their time to Idol’s Season 9 auditions by grading their performances:
Victoria Beckham
Audition Cities: Boston and Denver
She had far more to say about contestants’ fashion sense than their singing voices. She wore her hair so tightly pulled back that her cheekbones nearly tore her skin, but Posh was tops when it came to putting Simon in his place. “Why did you do that? That thing where you roll your eyes?” she asked before shooting him the iciest of all mum-glares in Boston. Indeed, she proved that on this panel, two Brits are better than one.
Grade: A+
Mary J. Blige
Audition City: Atlanta
Poor MJB! Not only did she not seem to get a word in edge-wise during her guest-judging stint, but she fell victim to the angriest contestant since Alexis Cohen: Tone-deaf Lamar Royal, who said, “@#$% Mary J. Blige! That b---- can’t sing!” Adding to the irritation was 62-year-old Larry Platt, who chose her audition to stop by and perform his original track Pants on the Ground. She can rest assured knowing she’s not the only one with that song still stuck in her head. “Pants on the ground, pants on the ground — lookin’ like a foo with yo pants on the ground ...”
Grade: A
Avril Lavigne
Audition City: Los Angeles
Underneath that silly sweatshirt with the devil horns on the hood, Canada’s own pint-sized popstar was pretty good at explaining why things are so complicated in the music biz — and why family men such as Jim Ranger and sweaty guys such as Neil Goldstein have no hopes of scoring cool points with fans.
Grade: B
Katy Perry
Audition City: Los Angeles
Wearing a top even lower cut than Simon’s, the soon-to-be-Mrs. Russell Brand ignored the contestants — and dismissed the ones who impressed the other judges (Simon included!). But her bitterness wasn’t completely unbearable, especially when she used it to initiate catfights with fellow feline — sorry, female — judge Kara DioGuardi. So. Awesome.
Grade: C+
Kristin Chenoweth
Audition City: Orlando
Critique: Unlike Katy Perry, stage star Chenoweth buddied up with DioGuardi, and the two BFFs ended up calling most of the shots. Consequently, gold ticket winners included a beat-boxer, a former bank robber and guy who ripped his pants while doing the splits.
Grade: B+
Shania Twain
Audition City: Chicago
Considering she had to sit before the Human Boob-box, Canada’s country gal did a dang good job of dishing out useful comments. At least until Day 2 of the auditions, when she kept breaking into giddy giggle fits. Grade: A
Joe Jonas
Audition City: Dallas
What advice could a 20-year-old boy-band heartthrob, still riding his wave of fame, possibly have to offer? Not much. But you’d at least think he’d be able to turn up the charm.
Grade: D
Neil Patrick Harris
Audition City: Dallas
Doogie Howser isn’t a singer, but he’s played one on the stage — and his insights were actually quite helpful to hopefuls such as Tourette’s syndrome sufferer Dave Pittman.
Grade: B-
Important ‘American Idol’ dates
OK, American Idol fans. Haul out a marker and circle these important dates on your TV calendar:
Feb. 9, 10, 16 & 17: The Hollywood Round, which ends with the Top 24 semi-finalists being announced.
Feb. 23-25: The Top 12 female and Top 12 male semi-finalists perform, and four are eliminated on the season’s first results show.
March 2-4: The Top 10 female and Top 10 male semi-finalists perform, and four are eliminated.
March 9-11: The Top 8 female and Top 8 male semi-finalists perform, four are eliminated, and the Top 12 finalists are revealed.
March 16-17: The finalists perform, and one is eliminated.
April 21: Idol Gives Back.
May (TBA): The grand finale.
lindsey.ward@sunmedia.ca
