Dos and don'ts of dating Emily 0
Emily Maynard's season on The Bachelorette didn't skimp on drama and surprises.
There were sappy love notes.
And such d-bag lines as this gem from Ryan Bower: "(Emily) is definitely going to be somebody's trophy wife and I'm pretty sure that I've got a good shot at that being mine."
Also, we got to see Emily go "backwoods West Virgina," as she calls it, on the biggest jerk of the season: Kalon.
After stating she wanted to "rip his limbs off" when he made a comment about her daughter being baggage, Emily threw the southern belle act out the door before telling him to, "Get the f--- out!"
Finally, it came down to two guys.
Arie -- being a frontrunner from the beginning -- seems to be a definite for the win since she's been smitten with him since day one.
Jef, however, snuck up on all the guys and hits a special spot with Emily.
Who's the best pick to go home with Emily after Sunday's finale on ABC and Citytv?
It's a toss-up.
Both guys have been pretty great from the beginning (minus Arie's dishonesty when Emily found out he had dated one of the show's producers).
And along the way, we've learned a few dos and don'ts when it comes to dating Emily Maynard (just in case you ever get the chance).
Don't: Tell her you like the work she's had on her face/butt/boobs/personality.
Do: Have hipster hair.
Don't: Bring an egg on a first date.
Do: Console her after she's dumped some other guy. Run after her (read: make out) in a dark alley, after yelling her name like she's a lost dog.
Don't: Have a real job. That wouldn't be very exciting, would it?
Do: Lie about your past. You never would have got on the show if it wasn't for your producer ex-girlfriend.
Don't: Ever question her dating past, like what happened with her last Bachelor engagement, her late NASCAR-driving fiance, or his money she's living off of.
On that note, DO: Drive a racecar. It can't hurt.
Do: Tell her you love her, a lot. Do it every time you see her, at least two to four times.
Don't: Ever consult a travel guide. Emily's a walking Lonely Planet guide.
Don't: Forget the spray tan. Chances are you'll be going somewhere tropical and a sunburn is not sexy at all. Oh, also make sure your abs are in tip-top shape so she'll know you're husband quality.
Do: Cry. It's the only way she'll see your soft man side that she digs.
Don't: Call her a trophy wife. She hates being noticed for her looks (except when she's in a bikini on national television, only then is it appropriate).
Do: Have a cool name like John "Wolf" or Jef with one F.
Don't: Play well with other guys. Rage is a plus for Emily.
Do: Write love notes. Lots of them. She wants to know you're literate.
Don't: Forget to talk about your failed relationships. This is a turn-on for Emily.
Do: Wear skinny jeans while shooting a gun. Unrealistic style is a must at all times.