Coming soon to a theatre near you: Taylor Swift IS Joni Mitchell.

If that doesn't strike terror into the hearts of both film buffs and music lovers, nothing will.

And no, we're not kidding: According to reports, country-pop starlet Swift may portray folk icon Mitchell in a film of Sheila Weller's book Girls Like Us. Great. Can't wait for the scene when Mitchell accepts a Grammy while gawping like a slack-jawed yokel. Help me, indeed.

Of course, Hollywood has always had a lousy record with music biopics.

These are, after all, the people who brought us Dennis Quaid as Jerry Lee Lewis, Diana Ross as Billie Holiday and everybody and their dog as Bob Dylan. Luckily, most of their absurd ideas -- like Elijah Wood as Iggy Pop or Mike Myers playing Keith Moon -- never reach the screen.

Still, it's hard to imagine we could do any worse. With that in mind, here are a few ideas for the next pitch meeting. Have your people call our people.

Zooey Deschanel as Katy Perry

Adorkable Deschanel already gets mistaken for the kooky popster Perry, so it's a no-brainer. Well, two no-brainers.

Casey Affleck as David Byrne

A little hair grease, a giant white suit and voila! Affleck gets a role that comes along once in a lifetime.

Charlie Hunnam as Kurt Cobain

Never mind what Courtney Love wants; the scraggly Sons of Anarchy star is a dead ringer for the Nirvana guitarist.

Julia Roberts as Lana Del Rey

Assuming anyone wants to make (or watch) a 10-minute biopic that begins and ends with an SNL gig.

Ian Astbury as Jim Morrison

The Cult leader (and onetime Doors singer) couldn't possibly do any worse than Val Kilmer, could he?

Marilyn Manson as Cher

Come to think of it, either one could play the other. Better still, they could co-star in a Baby Jane remake.

Ryan Phillippe as Justin Timberlake

They're basically the same person anyway, aren't they? Except one still has a career.

The Olsen twins as Fiona Apple

On the plus side, they'll only have to work half-days. And think of the money you'll save on catering.

The Sheepdogs as Every '70s Rock Band

Lynyrd Skynyrd, Grand Funk Railroad, whoever -- these Saskatoon rockers just need to rearrange their facial hair.

Robin Williams as Bono

He's got the giant head, the buzzcut, the wraparound sunglasses. Now he just needs to shut up. Robin too.

Kenny G as 'Weird Al' Yankovic

Like Manson and Cher, this one could go either way. It's all about the corkscrew curls, baby.

Simon Helberg as young Pete Townshend

The Big Bang Theory co-star already has the bowl cut and hatchet nose. If he can only grow a foot taller.

Craig Ferguson as Liza Minnelli

Ferguson has made this joke for years, but why not? Also in the cast: Angela Lansbury as Paul McCartney.

Barack Obama as Ted Nugent

Really, this is just to watch the Motor City Moron's redneck head finally explode with apoplectic rage.