Dear Robin:
I have had a women sitting for my special needs son for years. She recently stayed overnight and said my son wanted cookies, so she took some pre-made dough from the freezer and baked them. When I looked in freezer I was shocked at the amount that was gone from the frozen cookie roll.
Knowing that my son is on a restricted diet, I was concerned. There was also no trace of a baking pan, etc. Did she just take the dough home, because I notice my agave nectar which is like honey was missing three quarters of the bottle..
I hope this does not sound like I am being picky, but I know what is missing and it is bothering me -- Am I a Cookie Momster?
Dear Cookie Momster:
Unless she has some kind of eating disorder that causes her to binge on raw cookie dough, I'm not sure what is going on here. But the fact that your son is on a strict diet gives you have every right to ask her where the cookies went.
You don't have to approach her in an accusing or confrontational manner to do it. If you aren't comfortable cutting straight to the chase and asking her how many cookies she fed your child, you could say something jokingly like “wow, you cleaned up so well after making the cookies, it doesn't even look like you baked! How come you didn't save me any?” and see what she says. Maybe she burned them, or dropped some on the floor.
As for the agave nectar, maybe she spilled it or uses it in her tea/coffee. Perhaps she can't afford to buy things like that and is, in fact, pilfering it from you and lying. Maybe she is a klutz and drops things.
You say she has been caring for him for years, so if this is new, keep an eye on it. If you are seriously concerned that she is stealing and lying, yet don't want to confront her about it, you could invest in a nanny cam and see exactly what is going on when you aren't home.
Really though, if the worst thing she is doing is munching out on some cookie dough and she is an otherwise responsible and kind caregiver to your child, pick your battles.
Personal problems or low self esteem cause of workplace bullying?
Dear Robin:
I am a single mom with a daughter who has a disability, and have been working with the same employer for 14 years. I have been bullied by my employer and co-workers during all this time.
My bosses have timed me and changed my main job duties several times without asking me. Every time I try to mention a minor problem regarding my job, my employer will turn it around and blame it on my personal life. I have been asked to train people and then all of a sudden they change their minds and have someone else take over the training.
I feel as if I am on the TV show Survivor and will be the next person to be voted off the island so someone else can have my job. Believe it or not this is a non-profit organization (staff work on a contract basis and are on the lookout for who will leave next).
It has been hell and all I do is cry when I come home and cry when I wake up in the morning to go to work. I have no self-esteem to even look for another job because I am a single parent and just started to receive benefits. Do all employers treat their employees in this manner? I have a good attendance record and do my job diligently and professionally. I feel as if I am being forced to quit my job with all the bullying going on. Please help! -- Lost in Survivor Island
Dear Lost:
It seems either there are other problems here, or something is missing from your letter. First, it doesn't sound like a positive work environment to start with. You say you perform diligently and professionally, but I wonder if you bring some of your personal life to work with you. A child with a disability would be a major stress on any parent, and I hope you have access to a support group for that. Do you talk about personal problems at work — even casually? I ask because you say your employer blames things on your personal life.
To me that says they know at least a little about your life outside of work. If someone dislikes you there, that is all the ammunition they need. If that's not the case , I would ask Human Resources for a copy of your actual job description, and then clarify it with your boss. It seems odd that your employer would consistently change your job without giving any explanation. If you have low self-esteem and standing up for yourself is difficult, invest in some self-help information on building assertiveness, or get some life coaching. There is the possibility that your employer treats you this way because you appear to be a pushover. If that is the case, you are the only one in a position to change that.
Once you start standing up for yourself, and demanding at least common courtesy, if not respect, perhaps their tone will change. I'm not saying they're in the right, by any stretch of the imagination. Nobody should have to put up with bullying, no matter what their personal situation is. Examine your own behaviour and make necessary changes, because you can't change how they treat you right now, but you can make darn sure the future will look brighter. If nothing changes, either take your concerns to a superior and get them dealt with, or update your resume and start looking elsewhere.
Poll results
Have you ever been made to feel badly about your career?
Yes, and I stood up for myself 42%
No, that's never happened to me 33%
Yes, and I was embarrassed 14%
No, no one would do that about my career 11%
To vote in today's poll, please visit http://blog.canoe.ca/advice
