Dear Robin:
I met this girl during the summer when an old friend invited me on a camping trip. I went and had a great time. I connected with this beautiful, funny, easy-going girl. After the camping trip, we proceeded to see each other.
We truly are best friends. We go snowboarding together, take the dogs for walks and she even took a swing at my healthy lifestyle and joined a gym. It was not for her. No big deal. We also enjoyed an incredible sex life.
However, since she has started working out of town, our sex life has taken a huge dive. We now have sex at the most once during the whole week she is off and sometimes not at all. I'm not all about sex. I love her and still am planning on asking her to marry me this summer. But I just can't figure this out. She works in a male-dominated industry and most of her friends are male as a result. I do not mind. I'm very confident and have always trusted her. The guys go out for a few drinks after work and she goes too, almost every day. With everything else, I don't know what to think anymore. She gets mad when I try to talk about it, then I get mad too. What I really want is to find out what's going on with her. If she's upset, I'd like to help. I don't know what to do anymore. -- FRUSTRATED WITHOUT IT
Dear Frustrated:
If you aren't on the same page before you cohabitate, there will be a whole lotta bad feelings on both sides of the fence later. No matter what is causing this, you need to get it out in the open. If you can't talk now, what's going to happen down the road?
Now, about her going for drinks every day with the guys? First, I question anyone that goes for drinks every day, period. Second, turn this around - what if the shoe was on the other foot? Ask her how that would make her feel, and how she would react to it.
In her defense, she is making a long commute, which can sap the life out of a person. Also, women aren't robots. We have to be in the mood, and if we're not, you jumping naked on the bed and shouting “WOO HOO, look at this” is NOT going to get us there. All I'm saying is, once you are done inspecting her behaviour with a fine-toothed comb, inspect your own just as diligently.
If she is getting defensive and upset when you question her, there is a reason. You can either get to the bottom of it, or assume the worst and walk. The choice is yours. You will obviously have to be calm and take charge of the conversation. You said you truly are best friends, so you should be able to communicate with each other as such. I hope you can work things out and get the “boom boom” back in the bedroom.
Dear Robin:
For the past year, I have been dating the most amazing woman. She’s funny, charming, witty and sexy. We are both in our mid-20s and have great careers. Mine is in town and hers is four hours out of town, but only every other week. For the first eight months, she worked in town and we were together almost every day. We are moving in together next month and we each have a dog coming along. I watch hers when she's out of town.
Everything was going well until her family found out I wasn't going to school. As she comes from a well-off family, I understood why they would not approve of that. I voiced that I want to go to school again and get a job forming the minds of children. I found out later (I'm still working full-time and starting school next year) that her mom wouldn't approve of me even in that area of career. She still wants to see me but she won't. Her mother is threatening to pull her funds for school. I don’t get in the way of her studying, and in fact, I help her study. I’m looking for some insight on how I can still be able to see this girl and please her mother if at all possible. -- YOUNG LOVE IN TROUBLE
Dear Young love:
I could see Mom not wanting her daughter hanging around you if you were a lay about, or into illegal activities, but just because you aren't in school is a bit much.
Every mom wants the best for her children, but unfortunately for some parents, even the best isn't good enough. I wonder if this has more to do with your financial standing than your education. I say this because even with your career plan known to her, she still disapproves. If Mom is threatening to pull funding, there is something serious going on in her mind. If you want to keep seeing this girl, get to the bottom of what is really bugging Mom. Have you made an effort to get to know the parents, and introduce yourself properly, or do you screech up and honk for her at the curb? That is just one example of why a parent could form a negative opinion. If you haven't made an effort to show them what kind of person you are, start there – if you're allowed in the house. If you get the cold shoulder, I would ask to speak to Mom and find out why she has such a dislike for you. It could be that she is forming opinions based on assumptions, rather than fact. Fact is, if this girl really likes you, she will more than likely go to great lengths to see you, whether the parents approve or not. That's the way it has been for many years. If you can hold out another decade or two, maybe they will warm up to you. You know, by your 10th wedding anniversary perhaps.
Poll results
Is it acceptable for a partner with flirt with members of the opposite sex without it becoming a problem?
Yes - everyone loves to flirt 13%
No - flirting leads to more dangerous intentions 64%
Yes - everyone wants to feel attractive 18%
No - one person's love should be enough 5%
To vote in today's poll, please visit http://blog.canoe.ca/advice
