Dear Robin:
My sister-in-law is in an abusive marriage with an alcoholic husband – she is tired of the situation and wants to leave. The problem is, she wants to move here (a few provinces away) and has a young child. She is not sure what to do, as she isn't familiar with how the law works. She doesn't want to take her child away from the dad, but she cannot take the situation any longer. Any suggestions? – Do the Right Thing
Dear Do the Right Thing:
The first thing your sister needs to do if she is worried about doing this right is to get familiar with the law. She should contact a lawyer to find out how to do this properly, to minimize her chances of winding up in a huge legal battle over their child, or even possibly abduction charges.
I would also do two more things. First, call a women's shelter in her area, and ask them what they recommend in terms of how to get out safely. I would also call the local police and let them know about the history. This way, if there is an issue when she leaves, that would perhaps speed up their response.
Enlist the help of family and friends for support and whatever resources available, such as lodging, furniture, etc. - they can make available to her. The important thing is that she removes herself and her child from the situation in a way that will both ensure their safety, and keep the law on their side.
Dear Robin:
I am a 36-year-old divorced male with no children. I have a great career, am very family-oriented, and go to the gym and spend time outdoors when I can. My problem is that I spent so much time concentrating on my career and getting settled in a new town that my social life has taken a huge spiral downward. I am finding it very hard being the 'single guy' these days, especially with another Valentine's Day on the horizon. I have taken some of your advice to past readers by doing things like volunteer work, asking family members or co-workers if they know any single women my age, and I have tried a few dating sites, but to no avail. People tell me that I’m a 'fine catch' and that Ms. Right is out there waiting for me, but honestly, I am beginning to wonder. I even tried the 'don't look for love, let it find you' mentality and maybe that is part of my problem. Your advice or thoughts from your readers would be greatly appreciated! -- Lonely in E-Town
Dear Lonely:
I'm going to take one more stab at this. In the past, when I have said don't look for love, I didn't mean sit in your living room with the curtains drawn and watch re-runs of Survivor. I simply meant don't jump out in front of every seemingly available woman and shriek “are you my new wife?” People say you are a fine catch, and that may be true.
You may be the nice person, and yes, as I have said before, that may be what is holding things up. Maybe you are too nice. I know that sounds horrible, but perhaps the ones you meet are still looking for the “bad boy.” In addition, are you looking within your own age group, or significantly younger?
Here are some things for you to try out. Give them a chance before you pish-tosh them, please. I know you say you've tried some dating sites, but how about something like speed dating? There are various forms of the “eight minute date” in Edmonton. I also found coffee meetings for the 30+ crowd. They meet once a month at different coffee houses for casual conversation and good company. Check out http://coffee.meetup.com .
For the outdoorsy part of you, I found a singles travel adventures group. They travel, and go on all kinds of – well – adventures. Look up www.meetmarketadventures.com.
My last kick at the cat is a group that places singles on co-ed sports teams. You can find them at www.edmontonsportsclub.com. Best of luck to you, I hope this helps.
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