Dear Robin:
I have been dating this girl for about three years and recently I had come across an e-mail that she sent to her ex-boyfriend.
She was wishing him a happy birthday, which is fine, but what bothered me was what it said at the end. She put "I miss you!" What do you think I should do about this? -- Jay Jay
Dear Jay Jay:
Of course you know that my first question to you is going to be why were you snooping around in her email — if in fact that's what you were doing? I know what you should do about it, so my second question is what do YOU think you should do about it? If you were looking through her emails, I have to wonder if you have some trust issues because of this ex, or if she has been doing something that got your Spidey senses tingling.
You said it didn't bother you that she sent an email to the ex, so I get from that they are friends. If, on the other hand, she isn't buddies with the ex, and the sentiment was more of “I'm bored in my current relationship, so I'm going to test out the waters with you,” you may have reason to be concerned.
This could go many different ways. The fact that after three years you still say you are "dating" her, could be part of the problem, especially if she is looking to move forward with the relationship. Talk to her and find out what the deal is. Of course you will first have to admit to checking her emails, which may in itself start WWIII, so be prepared for that.
As an alternative, you could just feel things out, by telling her how you feel, and asking her for some input back. I'll say this though – if you feel compelled to check up on her because you can't trust her, you may want to evaluate if you want to stay in this relationship.
Absentee office manager a dragon lady
Dear Robin:
I hope you can advise us of unusual work conditions. We work for a small insurance office which is managed by the broker's wife.
The three staff have many years of industry experience and are licensed. The wife does not work there, has her own job in a total different field.
As they don't trust computers, all procedures are done manually and we write out every detail and message who comes and goes so the office manager is aware of everything.
She calls 50 times a day and telling us what do and when to do it but changes her mind often. She never gives a compliment, nothing is ever correct and, when there is a problem, she never take responsibility. Every day we change desks and perform different tasks, the reason being so we all know what is going on.
The staff comes and goes, not one stays more than three months, but we are not all lucky to find other employment. We have tried to talk to her (her husband does not count) to give us job descriptions, to let us work independently, but her answer is that the procedure works we just have to follow it. Any ideas how to make this work without being out of a job? Thank you - Employee of a Dragon Lady
Dear Employee:
As the office manager, she is in charge of how things are running, whether she is there or not. If the husband believes things are running smoothly, he likely won't bat an eyelash. He is still her boss, if in no other way than technically, and as such needs to be made aware if there is a problem.
If you just keep doing her bidding and never say boo, nothing is going to change. If you speak to the “big boss,” be prepared to do it with a plan. Not only a plan to detail why the current system doesn't work for you and the fact she doesn't appear willing to change things, but also a plan of how you think it could work better, perhaps even going as far as to demonstrate how a new system would increase business and revenue.
What you need to remember here is that it is their business. They have been running it until now without going bankrupt, so they will continue to run it as they see fit.
They should be noticing the turnover, and taking steps to remedy the situation, but if they don't, and they aren't willing to change “procedure,” there isn't a whole lot anyone can do about it. If you aren't happy there, start putting out the resume elsewhere, and just do your job the best you can until something else comes up.
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