We asked, you answered: Are you 'mothering' your partner?
Are you tired of cleaning up after your partner? Does it feel like they’re allergic to laundry? You’re not alone.
We recently asked readers if they felt they've transitioned from “lover” to “mother” in their relationship. Check out highlights of their responses below.
“Like many in our area, my husband works away in Alberta for three weeks at a time and is then home for 7-10 days. When he comes home he wants to do what he wants to do. My issue is that he chooses to hang out with his buddies, work in his shop and not be with me and our 2 children...He rarely helps with house or yard work. Mind you, I haven't done his laundry in years. I can't count on him to make a meal. I work part-time but I'm always busy with chores and kids.
We've had arguments about this over the years and (it) just seem to go in circles. I don't have much time for friends. I'm lonely. This is not the relationship I wanted for myself. If this was my daughter’s situation, I would tell her to move on...I'm sad and incredibly disappointed. When I let my guard down, we do have a very fantastic sex life but I feel like I really need to make an effort to relax.”
“What about the flip side, when the husband does everything and she does nothing? For the last few years my wife did nothing around the house. I did all the cooking, all the cleaning, all the laundry, paid all the bills, did all the grocery shopping. Finally, at the beginning of this year, she left and moved in with an old boyfriend. Apparently, she is doing everything for him. Quite literally, I gave her everything and did everything, but it wasn't enough I guess. All I can say is, thank goodness she is gone.”
“I have been married for 27 years and have parented three children; two girls and my wife...Two days before we were to be married my wife informed me that she was not, and probably never would be, a housekeeper. I considered that to be a fair declaration and have recalled it many times over the years as I would come home from work to clean the house, make dinner, bake for the household, do laundry and resolve arguments between the three of them.
I believed that as we aged the problem would resolve itself but as our daughters started into the teenage years it only got worse. Not only was I responsible for the majority of cleaning, laundry, cooking, and mediating arguments I was also the only parent assisting both girls with homework, studying, and projects. I have had to handle all the finances in our home and was the only parent present at parent-teacher interviews and every other school function...Even as we are almost 50-years-old my wife still has the habits and indulgences of a teenager, sleeping until noon, calling in sick to her job because she stayed up late, and leaving a trail of debris and dirty dishes and laundry behind herself, every day of the week.
We have had numerous very heated and very serious arguments over the lack of intimacy in our relationship but how does one tell his partner that he feels like a parent and lacks respect for this behaviour?...I realize that the more common situation is for men to force women into a parenting role and to them I would offer the advice that if you want an adult relationship with your partner and want it to be full of sensual, erotic, and spontaneous intimacy than you must step up and be an equal partner in all contexts. It is so unfair for the indulgent partner to expect the best of both roles.”
"While I understand it may be important to respect our husband's ability to do things, exactly how long do we wait for him to pick up the mountain of dirty laundry on his side of the bed? Or how about the thirty dirty dishes (some with rotting food) left in the truck? Are we supposed to let our home turn into a sty so that we can respect their ability?
The only alternatives are A) Do it ourselves (his preference) or B) Freak on him. It isn't a case of his inability. I have full confidence in that. It's a case of their knowing that we will pick up after them. My husband has even called me his little slave. I should mention there is a third option involving a moving van.”
“My issues at home are almost the opposite. I work seven days a week day and night. He works as a painter, and not as often or as long hours as I do...My issue with him is that the days I am working and he is off, I would like him to do the man chores, fixing things I can’t handle, etc.
But he spends the time folding clothes, sweeping the floor, doing the dishes, and tidying up - not to mention checking on his waste of time hockey pool and keeping an eye on the sports on TV in between.
I keep telling him I don’t need a maid I need a man! But I think he has no clue on how to begin fixing things and does what’s easy.”
Tell us about your "mothering" experiences at firstname.lastname@example.org