In pop culture's most cutting terms a cougar is a woman entering her late 30s who is caught in a desperate spiral of sexual pursuit of younger men.
Though the expression "cougar," and all the denim-clad imagery associated with it, is part of our popular vernacular, one woman is leading the charge for change.
Claudia Opdenkelder, president and CEO of CougarLife.com, a matchmaking website for May-December relationships, believes being a cougar is a lifestyle choice rather than a fad and the meaning behind the word should be revamped to reflect that.
"The word is already out there, it's a cute word, it's funny, people know it," Opdenkelder told 24 hours. "Why not turn it around and make it into something positive and something you can be proud of?
"So now, it's 35 and over, successful, independent, strong, confident women who know what they want, know how to get it, don't need men to buy them everything because they are self-sufficient and powerful."
Opdenkelder's thumbnail sketch of her ideal 35-plus woman, which downplays sex drive, conflicts with popular characters like Sex and the City's Samantha (Kim Cattrall) who remained forever on the prowl looking for men who could satisfy her desires no matter what their age.
Attempts by other actors, such as Cougar Town's Courtney Cox, to capture the same lightning that Cattrall so successfully bottled in her character, are falling flat and in turn jeopardizing a relatively more flattering view of older women in relationships with younger men.
"As fickle as pop culture is, especially with a younger demographic having such an impact, there is the risk, unless some really strong representations of this trend catch on, of 'cougar' quickly becoming a term of derision - desperate old bats robbing the cradle," said Gisele Baxter, a professor in UBC's English department. "On the other hand, we are always being reminded that the population demographic is gradually skewing towards older generations, and older generations who are much more active and vital than they used to be, and that in itself might have its impact on the way cougars are perceived."
Jacquie Brownridge, owner of Vancouver dating service It's Just Lunch, said she stays away from labels like "cougar" because they do little more than cast negative stereotypes.
"I don't hear that word much in my service at all and people don't use that word," she said. "So any time I see it, it's usually in the media and usually in the way that they are portraying it, I don't always see it as quite favourable."
Opdenkelder is determined to address concerns raised by people like Brownridge by encouraging women to fully embrace the word cougar and make it their own.
"That's the beauty of growing into your 30s," Opdenkelder said. "You just become completely comfortable in your own skin and you don't care as much about looking bad or getting embarassed that easy or worried about saying what's on your mind. You tend to be confident and open and seize what you get. That's a wonderful freedom."
> The lowdown:
- ELLEN DEGENERES, 51
Wife: Portia De Rossi, 36
DeGeneres is definitely a cougar dressed in adorable sheep's clothing. The daytime talkshow host wed her younger partner Portia De Rossi last fall after a four-year courtship. Ellen keeps proving anything is possible after she achieved her goal of appearing on the cover of December's edition of Oprah Winfrey's O Magazine.
- DEMI MOORE, 46
Husband: Ashton Kutcher, 31
Moore is her generation's alpha cougar. Credit her with making May-December relationships chic among A-listers after wooing Kutcher and putting him under her spell. Showing she's not all claws Demi took Ashton's last name two years ago. The rumour mill is churning over Moore blessing her boytoy's desire to shoot a movie based on her divorce from Bruce Willis - a sign this woman has a firm handle on life after divorce.
- MADONNA, 51
Boytoy: Jesus Luz, 22
The Material Mom remains the archetype of cunning cougars who mothers warn about. After three decades in the spotlight, Madge plays to her raw sexuality despite her crowd growing less receptive to pelvic thrusts. Madonna is talking about marriage - again - while keeping her cub in comfort by reportedly getting a $3 million US apartment for him near her New York townhouse.
"Why not turn it around and make it into something positive and something you can be proud of?"
