The syrup-suckers at Richmond have laid down the gauntlet to the Colbert Nation.
Popular TV host and comedian Stephen Colbert recently branded Canadians as cheats for not granting American speed skaters access to the Richmond Olympic Oval and called for “Saskatchewhiners” to “unclench their frosty sphincters.”
Well, the City of Richmond has officially entered the war.
“Chief Syrup Sucker” Ted Townsend, otherwise known as the city’s senior manager of corporate communications, sent a letter to Colbert inviting him to be the Oval’s official Ombudsman during the Olympics to ensure a level playing field.
Read the letter
“We just can’t stand the thought that someone would think we aren’t playing fair,” the letter reads. “So as the Canadian Iceholes who also happen to be the proprietor of the Richmond Olympic Oval, we are inviting you to find yourself some sled dogs and venture forth to our great frozen wasteland to be our guest at the 2010 Olympic Winter Games in February.”
Townsend told 24 hours Colbert would have free reign over the Oval, but there is a catch.
He must wear the official ombudsman headgear (a pink toque) at all times.
“We suggest you start the training for your new position now,” the letter continues. “A good start would be to acclimatize yourself by drinking at least one litre (oops, sorry, make that a quart, I forgot that you Americans don’t do metric) of radiator anti-freeze fluid per day.”
The city’s invitation isn’t the only challenge being thrown down at the feet of Colbert.
CBC sports anchor Shane Foxman has gone on-air and challenged the comedian to a one-on-one race at the Oval.
Your move, Colbert.
